Body enhancements unlimited: the tight laugh lines are here!

August 9, 2011

by Tola Adenle

Not many women would want to be seen as they appear before their faces are made up in the morning.  Even those who do not believe in a nip off the brows, three shades of lipstick over a lip liner there, an eye shadow here and a rouge there still care for their hair.  For most women, morning beauty routines do not end with the hair and the face; the nails are checked and the eyes are examined as if many were optometrists.  Or, I do not like the grays in my hair; I must pick up a bottle of hair color today.  Most of us fairer sex adorn ourselves to some extent because it is inherent in our nature.  Now, most men cannot cope with the tedious work of coloring hair every six weeks for thirty years, but not a woman; at least, not me, and it generally has nothing to do with being serious-minded.  I have a younger female friend, a real brain whose doctorate is in one of the real “dry” sciences.

I remember somebody coming up to me ages ago and wondering how “that girl” could be a scientist.  “She made one of the top classes at UI,” I said for good measure when the Somebody told me she was sure this real acada lady must be in Theatre Arts/Drama!  Why?  Because my scientist friend is as feminine as they come and a real knock-em-dead dresser who would add tons of bangles those long ago days!

Men often find it difficult to believe how very different from them we are although I see men in Nigeria these days who’ve been down the Bleaching/Toning Lane.  Funny, those men are thought by women (including me) to be unserious while critical women consider women who bleach as simply caving in too much to the vanity in our nature!

This essay deals with cosmetic surgeries and here is a warm up to get you into the subject:

1.  Fatty stomach, thighs,     a.k.a. spare tires Equally fatty/rich/fried foods Liposuction under anesthesia to suck out oodles of fat Eat less rich foods or not to worry
2.  Stubby, wide, flat nose First black ancestors Reconstruct under anesthesia Blame ancestors; you’ve lived with it; continue to.
3.  Under-endowed Long-dead ancestors Implant silicone under anesthesia Accept God’s work;  buy padded bras!
4.  Old looking; wrinkles           showing, my God! You’ve hoed much portions![Wo le, wo enu oko!] Implant silicone; tighten sags with knife – under anesthesia or erase lines only by laser under local anesthesia Thank Him for your life/achievements; devote spare time to helping others; will take your mind off “imperfections.”
5.  Too black, my God! See No. 3 And your friends think: “tone a little” , i.e. bleach or see surgeon for chemical peel Stay with your old color;  you will eventually regret bleaching!

In the western world today, there are many procedures, including lip enhancement which calls for whites’ thin lips to be implanted with silicone gel so that they can be fuller, negroid, that is!  Strange? In laser surgery, a pencil or pen-like equipment with a cable attached is used to “erase” what comes off as ashes from the face; I’ve watched it on television; interesting.  The face is supposedly tender for some days after which, voila, the man or woman’s face is like new again. “Society” ladies in Nigeria with teenage-like faces abound lately and these are the results of laser treatments.  Like hair relaxers, though, these faces will need touch-ups from time to time.  Most long-time television presenters in the States can only be recognized these days by their voices!  So, it’s a sort of universal bug!

I must first refer to what led to this article.  Wonders abound in Nigeria but when I first read of a young lady who was going to bring in “Beverly Hills surgeons” (they are like London’s Harley Street doctors; just fancier)   from the States, I was sure that this young lady, Ms. Ozolua, was a plastic surgeon.  I still am not 100 percent sure she is not but in a country where honorary doctorates are appended the same way as earned doctorates, my cue is from newspapers.  There is a Nigerian Medical Association and I believe part of their mission would be to ensure that nobody practices medicine on these shores without the training and license. The Ministry of Health is also there and must look out for Nigerians’ interest.  Of course, there are traditional herbalists who append “Dr” to their names and there are people who have had their tonsils removed at Sabo, Ibadan but that is a far place (not just physically) from the home of movie stars in California.

While I do not know the names of these fancy have-knives-and-lasers-will-travel from Beverly Hills next to Hollywood, I do know that they must be the best if,  indeed, they have their practices there.  There has been some brouhaha lately about the young lady letting the cat out of the bag, so to say, about her clientele, and the smart businesswoman that she is, she has taken full-page ads in newspapers to denounce “… being not only misquoted, but also quoted saying things I never said  …”

Silicone implants have caused a lot of problems in the United States and have led to some women having theirs removed.  Ask Pamela Anderson of Bay Watch fame; after all, she is so successful an actress that she could have had hers done in Beverly Hills.  Giant chemical companies like Corning, I believe, have had to pay millions in claims and I also believe there are still many class actions cases in US law courts concerning silicone breast implants.  “Carriers” of these implants say the physical discomfort on their backs is indescribable but experts say this pales in comparison to the life-threatening danger the implants pose.  They can break and leak into other parts of the body, which can lead to cancer and when this happens as it is bound to, how can we get our fancy Beverly Hills surgeon to an operating room in Nigeria before our body-enhanced “society” lady goes into toxic shock?  What will be Ms. Ozolua’s responsibility in this kind of liability if/when it happens?   If the NMA cannot do anything to these invaders on its tuff, what is the legislature, I beg, the thieving parasites at Abuja doing about it?  Can any country allow such open and blatant abuse of her citizens (I know, the citizens do not seem to care but it still IS government’s responsibility) by people who would not be around to mop their dirt when the time comes?

I am certain that these plastic surgeons come for the pickings here because they have carte blanche with no corresponding responsibility.  They are not liable nor are their medical licenses threatened in any way. The charges are nowhere near what these guys would charge in Washington not to talk of high-priced Beverly Hills, California because there is no fear of malpractice lawsuits, etc.  A Washington surgeon could take out your extra tire and all unwanted fatty tissues through liposuction for around $8,000 or more, and from what one is seeing here, there are “society” ladies who have had the whole works: breast implants, facial surgeries, liposuctions, etc., all of which would set each back $30,000 or more if each had had it done in a place like Washington.  Now, IF a Beverly Hills surgeon had done those resculpting out in California, we would be talking of much more but such payments would at least guarantee the patients after-surgery care if problems should arise as often happen.  I wonder: do these surgeons have their certificates AND licences displayed here as is the practice in the USA?

Resculptured bodies?  The plastic smiles from the tightened faces are the evidences, and Ms. Ozolua’s “clients” need not think she gave their names out because it is not difficult to tell when body enhancements have taken place.  I understand the young woman has gotten herself a stamp of approval, so to say, by planning to “donate” free plastic surgery through Mrs. Stella Obasanjo’s modern-day “better life” programme.  What more do we need!  I can foresee various enhanced first ladies lining up to shake hands with the next batch of “Beverly Hills surgeons” at Murtala Muhammed Airport during their next trip.

I dare say Ms. Ozolua is a contractor as long as she does not know what a living human heart looks like!  Our government must take medical practice out of the hands of contractors.

The Comet on Sunday, September 2002.



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