A Tale of National Honours: Dame Patience Goodluck Speaks Out

Abuja - The office of the 1^st Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, has released a statement expressing the 1^st Lady’s displeasure at the absence of her name on the long list of national honour recipients.

The communiqué went on to list all the 1^st Lady’s contributions to the development of Nigeria, which include the Women for Change Initiative which she launched in October 2010, and the July 2011 four day retreat on Protocol, Etiquette, and Administration.

“It is an apology that the Dame was not recognised for her contributions to teaching the wives of Nigerian Governors how to set a table and proper dining practices,” said the communiqué.

Also identified were her honorary doctor of science degree from Rivers State University, the conferment of the title of Odamiba 1 of Otuke, Bayelsa, and the fact that the Central Association of Nigerians in the UK recognised and honoured her contributions to her husband’s presidential campaign.

In conclusion, the communiqué cites her contribution to the Nigerian English vocabulary as an integral reason why she ought to have been conferred with a national honour.

In honesty, we at Wazobia Report can not imagine a Nigeria without words and phrases such as ‘umblerra,’ ‘pless ya hand,’ ‘a good people,’ and ‘once a children.’ Her Excellency has contributed immensely to our trade.

A special committee has now been established to look into the 1^st Lady’s claims.

It is rumoured that a new category will be created to accommodate her Excellency the 1^st Lady, and contributions from the general public will be welcomed in this regard.

We here at Wazobia Report have proposed MFR – Mother of the Federal Republic, as she herself had previously proposed to ‘mother all of us.’

- Awa Niyen