Nigeria to outsource GEJ as condemner of terrorist acts

Abuja – In what is being praised as the first international presidential collaboration of its kind, the Nigerian economy is set to attract foreign exchange inflows through the outsourcing of President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan.

The Nigerian President, unlike any other current democratically imposed leader, has had more practice denouncing terrorist acts and as such, is more experienced than any current leader in the world when it comes to making such denouncements.

This unique situation places President Jonathan - and the Nigerian economy as a whole - in a strategic position to generate income by exploiting GEJ’s skills at condemning terrorists and terrorist acts.

An IMF expert on international trade and collaboration noted that: “It takes a lot of guts to go on live TV and promise the world that you are going to end terrorism in your country. It takes even more guts to do it again and again, even after breaking that promise each time. It takes colossal balls to do it as a President. Most leaders wont dare do it if they know they can’t deliver. And this is why Mr Jonathan is special. He can make the statements on behalf of other nations, and the host leaders would still have something called deniability - if shit goes wrong.”

Specifically, and guided by the economic principle of comparative advantage, countries with more busy leaders will enter into contract with the Nigerian President whereby, if and when there is a terrorist act in the client country, President Jonathan will respond with a harsh denouncement of such acts, thus freeing up the client President to get on with the task of actually doing something about said terrorist act - like finding and arresting the terrorists.

Nigeria is expected to earn millions of dollars from outsourcing Jonathan.

- Jowo Mabinu