Aunty Ngozi solves your problems

My Name is Ngozi, and my job is to reply to your agony letters. You have to be really crazy to take my advice, but hey, who am I to judge?
If you want my help, send me an email today:, but first make sure you understand what I'm about.
I hope you enjoy my column. Have a lovely day.
Love always,
Aunty Ngozi

Ho do I turn down a man whose wife and daughters I have dated?

Dear Ngo, 

I am in a very nasty fix which I don't know how to get out of. 

I work in one of the better established banks and in 2009 I met and started dating this girl that had been posted to our branch as a corper. We were an item for over 9 months, but when she left to complete a masters program abroad the relationship sort of fizzled out. 

Given that she had introduced me to a couple of her family members including her cousin, I accidentally bumped into this cousin in a party in VI, and to cut a long story short, I dated this girl for over a year. After a while she and I parted amicably as we both had incompatible visions. However during the time I dated her, she had introduced me to my first girl friend's elder sister. 

When my first girl friend's elder sister found out that I was no longer with her cousin, she got in touch with me and did not hide her intention on dating me. After a while she introduced me to the family as we both felt that the relationship was going somewhere. However we eventually drifted apart when it became obvious to her that I was not quite ready to settle down. 

My current dilemma is that her mum being a bit of a looker and a society lady, felt attracted to me and we eventually hooked up. During one of our secret liaisons in their house, we were caught pants down by her husband who happens to be well connected. He seemed to quite calm the way he dealt with the whole situation by politely asking me to leave his house and not to come back. 

I do not know how this man got hold of my number with which he called me. He mandated a meeting which I was in no position to refuse. When we met, he told me that given that I had shagged his two daughters, his niece and now his wife, that he feels left out. He is threatening to ensure that I lose my job and that he would make my life so miserable inLagosif he does not get his share. Ngo, I am not gay and I feel quite repulsed about the whole idea. He has given up to next week Wednesday to perform, otherwise..... 



P.s. Ngo, are you single and unmarried. You have my email address. Dalu, oke nwanyi.

My reply

Dear Valentino,

Simple answer: You don’t.

Where do I start? You are the first person I have come across, that even GEJ would not trade places with, and that says a lot. 

The way I see it, it is your destiny to remain within this family. There is such a thing as preeminent purpose in life, and yours seems to be the sexual satisfaction of every member of this family. 

Well, my dear Valentino, upfront I would tell you to buy Vaseline. That, or go to MFM and find a prayer warrior pastor who specializes in praying destiny-changing prayers. Mind you, it is not always a risk-free venture to spiritually change ones destiny as you do not know where your current destiny would take you, or for that matter what your new destiny would do to you. 

That said, I am the sort of chick that if you give me lemons, I’ll make lemonade. Get? You can accept your destiny, and the eventual rupturing of your back that comes with it, and still come out the winner. How? Well, your story reads like a movie script, and I am not talking of any ye-ye Tonto Dike Nollywood home video. No. 

In your particular narrative exists the makings of a blockbuster movie. My advice, say to yourself what men say to women when they, the men, want to subject them, the women, to the torture that is anal sex, (something like, ‘How do you know you wont like it if you haven’t tried it?), and do the father. Then, sell your story to one of the Amatas. Bro, I will pay to watch your story in Silverbird! 

Goodluck with all that! 

Aunty Ngozi 

P.s: I am single and unmarried, and you sent me your email through my email address. But I draw the line at men who do familysomes.  


 Share |

Featured letters:
  • I am always at a lack of words when ever I am talking to my love
  • I can't get into the army so I want to become a yahoo yahoo boy
  • I don't know how to approach a girl
  • Aunty Ngozi please hook me up with a sugar mummy
  • She is dating my Area Brother
  • She's not taking my calls
  • Ho do I turn down a man whose wife and daughters I have dated?
  • Man seeking fair girl fail
  • Aunty Ngozi My palms are itching
  • I am pregnant for my boyfriend's best friend
  • I'm a size 14 London Babe and no one is attracted to me
  • Should I dump old rude girlfriend for 19 yr old virgin?
  • I have wet dreams about GEJ
  • I think she's a lesbian
  • I need a second wife
  • He is too gentle
  • She was fiance before I caught her with my friend
  • Help me! Girls won't leave me alone
  • I need a wife
  • He sucks my blood
  • I need a lady between 24 and 30
  • Girls run from me
  • I need a good caring husband
  • Should I confess to her?
  • My love medicine is not working on her
  • I caught my girlfriend and her friend in our bed
  • Which is ruder to ask a girl for: phone number or pin?
  • I brought her to Abuja but she's now misbehaving
  • What does one do with a stingy boyfriend?
  • They say makeup makes me ugly
  • My cousin is disturbing me for sturvs
  • I haven't been in a relationship in four years
  • Why are ugly girls attracted to me?
  • Any force that is against what you do here shall DIE BY FIRE!
  • My husband wants me to participate in a 3some
  • After giving me BlackBerry Porsche he wants to sleep with me
  • I caught him cheating through Facebook
  • How can I make a girl fall in love with me?
  • I have a filling station in Maiduguri
  • Aunty Ngozi have you gone on strike?
  • 1234567

    Write to me, let me help you with your problems
    Email: (will not be published) 
    Send One click will do. Trust me.

    Emotan 77
    Former publisher of the women's bi-monthly, Emotan (1977-1984) and op-ed ... now publishes her writing here

    Bridging Loans. Get a decision today
    We have access to unlimited funding, assuring competitive levels of capital per deal.

    Abuja food delivery, call +234 803 369 4078, +234 809 833 944
    Afang, edikan ikon, egusi, oha, okro, white soup, jollof rice, yam porriage, moin-moin, white rice & stew ...

    Home interiors inspired by Heritage African fabrics
    Handmade cushions, bedding, apparel and more

    Hand crafted cards by Christiangraffiti
    Inspirational notecards and greetings that touch the spirit and pierce the soul