Atiku set up in Presidential toilet graffiti mystery
18 Jan 2011
 This is as close as they would let us get to the Villa
Abuja - Hunt is currently on for the unpatriotic person who has been scribbling mischievous graffiti on the walls of the presidential toilet in Aso Rock.
The problem first came to light when the presidential chief toilet inspector discovered a line of broken English written on the door of the president's toilet.
The civil servant gathered all the presidential toilet cleaners and demanded an explanation, but when no one owned up to the crude penmanship, the SSS was invited and the entire cleaning team was placed under arrest.
A replacement team of toilet cleaners however faired no better as the mysterious writings soon became a constant daily occurrence, even as subsequent cleaners were hired and old ones fired.
The problem came to a head when Mr President, previously oblivious to the goings on in his toilet, woke up early one morning to take a wee.
Mr President soon called for his spectacles to be brought to him in the toilet and the chief toilet inspector realised that the game was up.
An unimpressed Mr President wanted to know who had written 'NO ZONING, NO PEACE' on his toilet wall, and at this point he was brought up to speed on the mystery of the toilet scribbler.
In a completely unrelated incident, former vice president and habitual presidential candidate, Atiku Abubakar, has been repeatedly spotted leaving his Abuja mansion at strange hours of the night, and heading towards the villa.
Our investigative reporter can only speculate as to the reason for the vice president’s nocturnal outings, but many are saying it might be related to a secret plot by the Atiku camp to destabilize the Jonathan presidency by “staggering acts of civil disobedience.”
For example, members of the Atiku camp have been seen getting hit by cars for refusing to look left or right before crossing the road, breaking their legs and limbs by bungee jumping off Aso rock without suspension cables, getting beat up at mama puts for intentionally refusing to pay, and other very strange things, because president Goodluck Jonathan has made “violent change inevitable.” -Atiku’s own words.
Many have suggested that the writing on the presidential wall incident, might be a radical continuation of these “staggering acts of civil disobedience,” but wazobiareport.com can categorically refute this claim.
The only member of the former vice president’s camp with the standing to gain access to the presidential villa is Atiku himself. The phrase, “NO ZONING, NO PEACE,” has three, one syllable words, and one, two syllable word.
Our contention lies with the presence of the two syllable word in the phrase, as the former vice-president is known to be only able to comprehend one syllabus words.
If the phrase was, “No zone, no peace,” or perhaps, “WE ARE MAD,” or even, “ME GO KILL YOU!” then the former vice president should be held responsible.
Therefore, the presence of the word “ZONING” in the phrase in question, completely absolves the vice president of any complicity and suggests that he is being set up by an anti Atiku cabal in the presidency.
By Joe Aibozaw and Owi the J.Town boy
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