Committee on Olympic failure submits report

Abuja – The committee setup by President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has concluded its investigation into Nigeria’s dismal performance at the recently concluded London 2012 Olympics.

Starting with the disqualification of three Nigerian athletes for drug use even before the games started, the committee in its report indicated that the banning of the athletes was due to a minor misunderstanding. According to the report, the so called banned substances found in the athletes’ blood samples was Alomo Bitters and not sports-performance enhancing drugs as suspected.

The report also stated that the failure of Nigeria to win any medals should not be blamed on the ministry of sports or of the athletes who representedNigeria, but rather on the lack of adequate ‘home’ support. Based on this, the committee advised that for future games, top ranking civil servants and politicans should be sponsored along with their family and friends to escort athletes to games so as to provide adequate support.

It was also noted that team USA benefited from the presence of the American first lady, Michelle Obamma. The committee wondered if Nigeria would not have performed better had Dame Patience Goodluck been at the ceremony to cheer our athletes on.

Also, the report did not rule out witchcraft as a possible contributor to Nigeria’s lacklustre performance, considering the magnitude of envy that other African Nations have for Nigeria.

Finally, the committee concluded its report by praising President Goodluck for his contributions to sport in Nigeria and assuring him that the lack of medals was in no way indicative of his performance in office.

- AKA Gbaunski.