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Federal Government Recognizes The Independent Republic Of Kalakuta

22 Nov 2010


Fela for president jaw!

 

Abuja – The federal government of Nigeria has shocked citizens with news of its decision to recognize the independent republic of Kalakuta.

The republic of Kalakuta, which was founded by the late Fela Kuti, was until today considered not to be a pressing issue for the government. It will be recalled that wazobiareport had just recently drawn attention to reports of the late Kuti’s Ghost haunting top government officials. People are therefore speculating that the sudden recognition of the republic of Kalakuta might have been done in a desperate bid to appease the ghost of Fela. “Maybe Fela will finally allow them to rest now,” a source in the Vila is reported to have said.

Former president Olusegun Obasanjo is said to have led the backroom negotiations for recognition of the republic. Sources have revealed that Obasanjo employed every tool in his reach to pressure the government to recognize Kalakuta republic. It is also widely believed that the Ghost of Fela was exceptionally harsh to the former president. Sources within the Obasanjo camp have revealed that Obasanjo has not gotten a single minute of sleep for over a month and has spent his nights leading vigils in the church.

Spokesperson for the former president however refuted this claim, saying the former president was not haunted by the ghost of Fela: “Which ghost can haunt oga? You know Baba is a former military man and any ghost that dares to haunt him is doing so to its own peril. Baba led the military through wars and he has never been scared in his life. How will a simple Fela ghost dare to pressure a trained general?”
He however confirmed the rumors that the former president pressured the government to recognize the new republic but claims it was done only out of goodwill to the Fela family.

Wazobiareport sources however contradict Obasanjo’s spokesperson as they claim they have seen firsthand incidents of the Fela Ghost tormenting Obasanjo: “Ojiju bad oh,” lamented the source “If you see as this Fela ojiju just de worry oga for public you go pity am,” the source further stated. “This na the first ojiju weh I don see weh no de fear church. U know say Fela stubborn now, him de enter church where oga dey hide, go worry am for there. If na you wetin you go do? You no go give am country make you rest?” he asked rhetorically.

Obasanjo has now introduced a new initiative for the legalization of marijuana and the diversion of all world exports to the newly formed republic.

-By Owi the J.town Boy
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fire_burn_dem On 12/3/2010 12:00:00 AM
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