Herman Cain to run for Bayelsa State Governorship

Bayelsa - As tensions continue to escalate in the ongoing sexual harassment scandal that threatens to derail Herman Cain's political ambition and ruin his reputation, insider information reaching WR reveals that the US Republican Presidential hopeful has thrown in the towel and opted out of the race.

We can categorically confirm that the former GOP front runner now has his sight set firmly on the office of the Governor of Bayelsa State. 

Born in the deep south of the USA, Cain is descended from cotton picking slaves. He attests that genealogical DNA tests pinpoint his ancestors' ethnicity as "South-South Nigerian," thereby making him eligible to contest in the gubernatorial elections. 

Mr. Dolt Simpleton, Cain's Nigerian campaign manager, had this to say at a press conference earlier today: 

"There is no gainsaying that Mr. Cain is a true Bayelsan son of the soil. I mean, let me explain why he's the best man for the job.

1) The antecedents of his forbearers: His mother was a maid and father a janitor; therefore, Mr. Cain was not born rich.

2) His name is distinctly Bayelsan and fits right in with that of other aspirants-'Godknows', 'Dickson', 'Fullpower', 'Youppele', 'Sylva' &  'Murray-Bruce'

3) He looks damn good in a south-south style cowboy hat

4) There will NEVER be a need for him to be disguised as a woman. The only skill Mr. Cain possesses relating to female clothing is taking it off.

5) His wife, your future first lady, speaks good English

”Now fellow Bayelsans, tell me, what else do you want from your next Governor?" 

While it was unclear at the time of this story going to press what political party Mr Cain will align with,  WR can report unequivocally that he plans to employ a very 'hands on' leadership style...especially with his female members of staff.

- Miss Understood