Housewives abduct Funmi Iyanda. Attempt to force feed her

15 Nov 2010

Housewives abduct Funmi Iyanda. Attempt to force feed her
We luuuuuurve Miss Iyanda!


Lagos - She is the Oprah Winfrey of Nigerian prime time television, a role model and source of inspiration for millions of people all over the world, and she's also one of the most beautiful women on Nigerian TV today. But her awesome brilliance and her lepacious beauty were not enough to spare her an ordeal from the hands of a group of her many admirers.

The icon in question is no other than the queen of Nigerian talk show, the elegant Funmi Iyanda. This is the story of how things turned ugly when she decided to do a feature on the typical Nigerian housewife - an undervalued, under appreciated contributor the nation's GDP.

What started as the filming of another episode of her brilliant talk show, New Dawn, soon turned ugly when the group of invited guests carried out their premeditated. Five ordinary everyday women had been chosen to represent the millions of housewives labouring away unnoticed in their husband's houses. The chosen five were to be the voice of the voiceless.

Arriving at the studio, they looked a lovely, dignified bunch. They came bearing gifts; pots of sweet smelling dishes; to share their recipes with Iyanda's viewers. There was nothing askew about this group: nothing ominous in their tightly wound Ankara wrappers; nothing suspicious in their coy shyness while faced with video cameras; nothing pushing an alarm button when they asked to meet alone with their Host before the show.

Nobody knows for certain what transpired in Miss Iyanda's dressing room, but after she failed to appear on set or answer her phone, several frantic crew members took to banging on her door. At about forty-five minutes after the show should have began, the decision was made to break down the door. As the door came down and the studio crew rushed in, they were confronted with the sight of Funmi Iyanda being held down firmly to her chair and force fed by the women she had invited to be guests on her show.

The unrepentant abductors who seemed quite pleased with their actions were quickly restrained by security personnel while the police were called. A visibly shaken Miss Iyanda was covered in food dripping from her face. Her clothes were soiled with thick ogono and other not readily recognisable draw soups. As concerned colleagues fretted over her, cleaning food stains from her body and picking chunks of meat from her hair, Miss Iyanda, in a profound display of compassion and kindness, asked that the housewives not be handed to the police.

After a bath and a change of clothing, the talk show host confronted her abductors. She wanted to know why they had done what they did. The oldest and the most buxom of the women spoke for her group. She said: "Ehn, it is good that you should ask. We are mothers, and we love you, but you are too thin. That is why we decided to prepare these meals for you. We want you to put on some with because we are concerned for you."

The episode of the talk show was eventually filmed, and no mention was made of the force feeding event. A studio staff however hinted that Miss Iyanda has instructed her staff to prepare material for a subsequent episode of her talk show, to be titled: "Some people are naturally Lepa."

- Oluchucks Adewaziri, reporting for Wazobia Reports.

Comments have been disabled

Doctor Love On 14/05/2011 08:48:55
Why would they adopt him
Funmi On 09/05/2011 10:21:38
Funmi looks great. Great spoof but betrays Nigerian males' wish to have wives fat, girlfriends slim!
Ronke On 07/03/2011 17:26:35
I dnt kno y dey wntd her 2 put on weight. She looks gr8 wt her lepacious stature. Op 2 lyk her
Comments may be removed if found to be gratuitously offensive,
bigoted, off-point, or simply not cool.
All fields are required. Only click the POST button once.
Thank you for your comments and for keeping it clean.



Caution: This is NOT real! It's all BS made up to entertain you.
For REAL news, please go to

Emotan 77
Former publisher of the women's bi-monthly, Emotan (1977-1984) and op-ed ... now publishes her writing here

Bridging Loans. Get a decision today
We have access to unlimited funding, assuring competitive levels of capital per deal.

Abuja food delivery, call +234 803 369 4078, +234 809 833 944
Afang, edikan ikon, egusi, oha, okro, white soup, jollof rice, yam porriage, moin-moin, white rice & stew ...

Home interiors inspired by Heritage African fabrics
Handmade cushions, bedding, apparel and more

Hand crafted cards by Christiangraffiti
Inspirational notecards and greetings that touch the spirit and pierce the soul