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NYSC to be replaced with one year phonetics training

23 Nov 2010

NYSC to be replaced with one year phonetics training
Who needs NYSC anyway?

 

Abuja - From all indications, the Federal Government appears set to put an end to the hugely unpopular National Youth Service Program, NYSC.

The compulsory one year service scheme which has been the bane of many butter kids was the subject of a year long study by a specially appointed committee of very bright Nigerians. They were asked to measure the benefits of NYSC. At the end of their research they concluded that NYSC is totally pointless.
In typical bright people style, the very bright Nigerian researchers cited several sources and references and complex mathematical calculations that led them to their very obvious conclusion.

Not to be accused of carrying out a non-inclusive study, they embarked on a nationwide survey before arriving at their conclusion. In the appendix of the 6000 page report they submitted, they presented the full unedited answers to the very clever questionnaire they used for the survey, random portions of which are presented below:

Question: Is NYSC really crap and very much in need of very belated kicking to the kerb?
Respondent: Wetin be NYSC?

Question: Did you enjoy your NYSC service year?
Respondent: 'Twas shit, mehn? I schooled in jand, init? But my dad was like, you've got to do this thing if you're to become governor. So you see, I didn't have much of a choice in the matter.

Question: How would you describe your NYSC camp experience?
Respondent: (begins to cry)

The imminent cancellation of NYSC however, might not be a reason for butter kids to start rejoicing just yet as the committee of very bright Nigerians have stuck to the Federal Government's policy of screw-the-kids, by proposing the replacement of NYSC with OLTSLYAFA, otherwise known as Operation Learn To Speak Like You Are From Away.

The new and compulsory one year programme to be completed by all Nigerian graduating kids will prepare graduates for a world that requires them to speak with an affected accent.

Graduates will be thought to speak "fooneh" as fluently and as convincing as any butter kid who grew up in the States or in the UK.

The aim of the new scheme has not been fully disclosed but the committee of very bright Nigerians seem to believe it will go a long way in preparing the youths for life in a country where employers seem to rate linguistic prowess above educational achievements.

- Joe Aibozaw
Comments have been disabled

Rho On 10/25/2011 12:35:21 AM
I saw yhur link on facebk, yhu guys r somfin else, i still cant stop laffin. Kipp dwin vis please...it kipps us sane! Lwkmd
Cliff ugbede On 10/23/2011 6:39:41 PM
In nigeria everyday things change.and what is the out come?
JayB On 9/29/2011 2:14:13 PM
I totally love you guys. Just a few days ago, a friend sent me a link to your Brazil/Naija face-off over Brazillian hair, and I had a good laugh. Since then I have read your Runs babe chronicles, and other stories and I'll keep reading, as long as you keep up the BS. Who knows? I just may take up your offer and send you some too. Thanks. My only question is,'Where una dey since all these days???
Sir Fredrick Onyekachi On 9/16/2011 12:37:03 AM
If it can be agreed that NYSC has outstayed it's welcome in the Nigeria, our leaders should come up with more meaningful programe bearing in mind the primary purpose of NYSC which is unity and peace in the country. Any other plan that does not reflect that purpose should be regard as nothingness. OLTSUA (whatever, if it was real) will only make mockery of our noble nation.
Anadu Chukwudozie On 8/22/2011 3:44:02 PM
Well,i guess this is not real but i know dat mr presiden- Federal Republic of Nigeria is committed 2 building a formidable and united nigeria where every citizen of this gr8 nation will enjoy equal right and justice.
Tunmi On 8/8/2011 4:43:32 PM
Lmao
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