Abuja - In a bid to rescue their failing reputations, and to win votes from the populace, some Nigerian politicians have decided to follow in the footsteps of late president, Umaru Musa Yarádua, and publicly declare their assets.
The governor of Borno state, Ali Modu Sheriff, led the movement by declaring that he has about 50 camels, 15 horses, 85 tantabara (as he put it, for he could not pronounce pigeon), and a groundnut farm at the backyard of the government house.
He also stated that contrary to popular believe, he does not own the black escalade jeep that he drives around town; according to him, it in fact belongs to one of his many wives and was given to her by a very nice uncle.
The governor of Benue state, Gabriel Suswam, stated that he has a barn full of yams which he believes will last him and his family for the next 21 full moons.
He also claimed ownership of a beer parlour in Gboko which he calls “hands free joint,” as according to him, “all you need is your leg to take you there.”
Governor Alao Akala of Oyo state, who is rumoured to own the largest cocoa plantation in the state, has come out to flatly deny the claims, arguing that: “how can someone who doesn’t like Bournvita, and has never seen chocolate in his life, suddenly own the largest cocoa farm in the state? This is just preposterous, and it is the work of my detractors. I only own the fourth largest cocoa farm in my local government, and not even in the state.”
The governor of Axxx-Ixxx state, xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx, declared that his only asset is a brothel which he owned way before he became a governor.
He further said that his girls are among the most decent and god-fearing people in the state, as according to him, “they always use rubber, and they return your change when you pay.”
When this reporter asked if he is not setting a bad example for the people of the state, as prostitution is illegal, he said: “let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. Or do you prefer me stealing public funds? After all, man must whack.”
At the time of filing this report, several politicians were in the process of writing down their assets, following the precedent of their colleagues.
Djaysun, reporting for wazobiareport.com