London - It is official: Nigerians have more enemies per citizen than any other country.
This is according to an international consultancy firm that specialises in gathering and analysing data on countries.
While not putting an exact number on how many enemies each Nigerian has or will have in their lifetime, the consultants did provide incontrovertible evidence that Nigerians surpass all others in having enemies.
To back their claim, the consultants pointed out how ‘having enemies’ has entered into the culture and language of Nigeria.
"It is not un common to hear a Nigerian referencing his or her enemies," said a senior partner of the firm. "It is part of their language to say things like, ‘it is my enemies’ or ‘my enemies have failed’."
He also noted that even the government, just like the people they govern, typically rush to blame everything on enemies:
“From the recent spate of terrorist bomb attacks on the Nation, to satirical works that are critical of government, to thieving politicians, even the persistent inability to provide adequate electricity - they are all, according to the Nigerian government, the works of 'un-seen' enemies.”
He also explained that the only difference between the government and the people when it comes to their enemies is that government officials talk of enemies of the administration while ordinary citizens normally just talk of enemies of progress.
"Everybody in Nigeria seems to have enemies," said the consultant, "From the president, to ministers, to law makers, to the beggars on the street. It's almost as if in Nigeria the measure of your success is how many enemies you have."
The firm concluded by noting how in Nigeria, they even have special Churches and special Church services for warding off and dealing with enemies.
According to them, a common prayer amongst the followers of a particular Church in the Nation goes: My enemies, summersault and die!
"We even suspect that new born babies in Nigeria are born with enemies,” said the consultant, “only that they can't talk yet so they can't say things like, 'Darn! I've got nappy rash. It must be the work of my enemies!'”
- Joe Aibozaw