Lagos – When the Nigerian President, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, recently confessed to being slow in making important governance decisions, many Nigerians simply laughed at his latest gaffe, some even ignored the unprofessional utterance altogether.
But this apathy, in the face of unbelievable - often bordering on imbecilic – acts of near insanity by the Nation’s number one man is exactly what the President wants!
This is the shocking revelation uncovered by investigative journalists, namely that, President Jonathan commits acts of lunacy as part of a genius plan to make Nigerians stupid!
The source of this explosive discovery is a former member of the international secret cult known as The Illuminati. Suspected members of the influential cult include Jay-Z, Beyonce, President Obama, and Homer Simpson. In the past, there has been speculation that Nigerian Megastar, D-Banj, is also a member of the cult, but cult officials have categorically denied this as a rumour designed to rubbish their image.
The source, who managed to escape the evil clutches of the cult when he turned born-again after watching Prophet T.B. Joshua preaching on TV, revealed that the ultimate objective of The Illuminati is to dominate the world. To this extent, he claimed, the secret society relaxed its membership criteria so as to recruit the Nigerian President.
Nigeria, being the most populous and oil-rich African Nation, is considered by the cult as crucial in their world-domination plan.
After failing to brain-wash Nigerians through Lady Gaga’s music, the cult changed its strategy and recruited a Nigerian celebrity to carry out their mind-control experiments on Nigerians.
This strategy also failed, however, when, rather than sending out subliminal messages to the population through his music, Charly Boy began to distribute naked pictures of himself instead, thereby damaging his image and ability to influence most Nigerian youths.
Undaunted and resolute in its plan to control Nigeria, the cult turned to a business man who proposed a plan to build free schools and universities where unsuspecting students would be subjected to hypnotic material that would turn them to Illuminatilettes.
This plan failed when the business man absconded with the millions of dollars the cult gave him to carry out the plan. The swindler used their money to rig a gubernatorial election, attempted to bribe Ribadu as head of EFCC with some of it, and is currently serving jail term in theUnited Kingdom.
Undeterred, The Illuminati finally realised that the best way to control the largest number of Nigerians is through modern, trendy, Pentecostal Churches.
Their plan to set up their own Mega-Church was however thwarted by a group of Nigerian Pastors who, fearing foreign competition, sabotaged efforts of representatives of the cult who had been sent to Nigeria to look for appropriate large parcels of land along the Lagos-Ibadan expressway.
It is not known how or when the cult recruited President Jonathan, or how long he has been carrying out their plan to dominate Nigeria, but what is now evident is that the cult is finally winning.
Rather than attempting to outsmart Nigerians, or min-control them, the cult realised that the best way to dominate the population is to make them very, very dumb. To achieve this, experts working for the cult came up with a plan to expose Nigerians to so much stupidity from very high sources and very often, such that after sometime Nigerians would have become so used to stupidity that they would start to ignore it.
The experts believe that at this point - when Nigerians stop reacting to stupidity - they, the Nigerians, would slowly begin to become stupid themselves.
For the plan to work, the cult needed a much respected Nigerian to perform several severe acts of stupidity, and very frequently, so they went after GEJ.
In light of this discovery, it now makes sense that someone very close to the President once said that the President it not as stupid as people think he is.
All of the President’s past acts of apparent stupidity also now make sense, as it was his plan all along to appear stupid, so that Nigerians would in turn become stupid too, and The Illuminati would be able to control all the citizens.
Worryingly, a recent survey of the intelligence of the average Nigerian showed that Nigerians are indeed becoming stupider! This was most evident when a large number of Nigerians responded YES to the question, ‘Will you vote for GEJ in 2015?’
This is an indication that the plan of the Illuminati is working and Nigerians are indeed becoming very stupid indeed!
In a last twist to the story, it was discovered that even the President’s wife has been a part of the plot from day one. In fact, high ranking members of the cult have commended her for executing her part brilliantly, thus setting a high standard for her husband to meet.
- Jowo Mabinu, reporting for Wazobiareport.com.