Scientists want to know how Reuben Abati sleeps at night

London – Reports indicate that scientists are very keen to know how a certain Mr Reuben Abati, the spokesperson to Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan, manages to sleep at night.

While his fellow Nigerians continually abuse and insult him for what they see as his shameless and immense capacity to have his head high up his boss’ ass, scientists see Mr Abati’s prolific ass kissing as a unique and scientifically significant talent that should be studied and understood.

According to a renowned behavioural scientist, understanding how Mr Abati, who used to be a prominent critic of the president he now serves, is able to praise the same man’s every action (including those actions he once decried) and is still able to live with himself at the same time, will unlock several secrets into the way a true sycophants’ mind works.

“If we can unlock the inner workings of this man’s mind,” said the researcher, “new treatments can be developed to cure otherwise incurable afflictions of the mind. I mean, how does he live with himself? Once we answer that question, science would have advanced several light years, all thanks to a very spectacular kiss ass.”

-   Jowo Mabinu