Tu Face Rumoured To Have Joined the Illuminati

17 Feb 2011

Tu Face Rumoured To Have Joined the Illuminati
The signs are everywhere!

 


Lagos - Amid constant rumours making the rounds that several chart-topping musicians are now members of the secret society, Illuminati, Nigeria, known never to carry last, now has its own singing sensation and father of many nations, Tu Face Idibia, as a rumoured member.

Famed Musicians such as Jay-Z, Beyonce, Rick Ross, Kanye West, and Rihanna have all been at one time or another connected to the secret society and are rumoured to make up the higher ranks of the infamous cult. Several outsiders are perplexed at the inclusion of Nigerian Tu Face as he has yet to attain the financial heights or musical success generally enjoyed by fellow society members.

However, speaking with an insider - who chose to remain anonymous to speak candidly on the matter - it was revealed that while Mr Face was yet to achieve the celebrity status internationally that much of the other members enjoy, his incredible ability to spread his seed has made him attractive as the Illuminati feel that should the need ever arise to build an army to defend itself, Mr Face will be very instrumental in pro-creating a new generation, and pro-creating fast.

It was learnt that at his induction in to the society, Mr Face was made to endure a daylong session on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies, or in Nigerian parlance, Belle (not pronounced Belle, as in the French Word, but Belleh).

He was also made to endure a conditioning session in which he was strapped into a chair and electrodes were attached to his something. He was then made to watch pictures of Beyonce and Rihanna repeatedly displayed on a giant screen in front of him, and each picture was accompanied by an electricity shock delivered to his something through the electrodes. This treatment was meant to prevent him from unleashing his manshewo ways on the female members of the society.

Our insider revealed that shortly after the electricity shock treatment, Mr. Face bumped into Beyonce in the hallway of the society and he immediately experienced a fit resembling epilepsy. This was proof that the electrical conditioning had worked.

Beyonce, who didn’t know about the shock therapy, is reported to have been flattered as she thought that Mr. Face had simply caught a case of the Holy Ghost at her beauty.

In related News, Pastor T.B Joshua has offered a cure for all Illuminati members, for an undisclosed fee of course.

- Falz Vueys, reporting for Wazobia Report



Comments

BLOOD OF JESUS On 18/05/2012 15:02:04
SERVE THE LORD JESUS TODAY AND COME OUT OF THAT SATANIC BONDAGE CALLED ILLUMINATI.
holy ghost fire On 18/05/2012 14:59:58
may the blood of Jesus save every one that have put themselves into this satanic bondage called Illuminati this name sounds crazy.please my beloved brothers and sisters come and embraces Jesus this is the only you can be save.illuminati cant save you but Jesus can save you and show you his mercy.
Emmy On 18/05/2012 01:53:13
4 those who wan to join dy illuminati r big foolz and vry idiot 4 dat matter,dat iz al i hv 4 u
Ibrahim On 14/05/2012 13:26:16
please people i just hate the way you people are addressing Google, you need to think sharply almost all of the artist in the(famous and those that want to be famous) are members of the forking Illuminati so with this i can say to hell with them all.
jotham brown On 07/05/2012 02:18:49
on this issue, ithink life is a free will 4rom nature, wat u dont like may be diffrent 4rom wat u like in as much as there is frdom of speech, belief,worship etc apart of freedom to take another mans life.all of us wu are criticizing if we are 1 of them we will not be comenting but be hapy and wanting to be more famours cus wat we all shuold be thinking off shuold be the new release and not looking behind us bakbiting.So i think we shuld 4 get about were any man belongs to n learn 4rom wat we as humans can achive 4rom theem cus bthey may be baseless 4 us all.
solace On 25/04/2012 21:48:21
All these people saying they want to join Illuminati are not serious cos they don't meet the requirement. 4 u to join u must be talented in one way or another so that they(Illuminati) can use u to influence others. u don't look 4 Illuminati rather they look 4 u if they see what is in u.ka chineke meze okwo amen.
TEGA AKPOMUDJE On 25/04/2012 13:45:49
I WANT 2 JOINE ILLUMINTI

Azuogu Uchechukwu Psalmuel On 25/04/2012 10:58:00
RUMOUR MONGERS SHUT UP UR MOUTH!!!!!!!!! Is dis really 2ru or jst a falacy? We mst nt mk a mess of smbdys name esp wt false accusatns which dis might b one of dat; God is d giver of wealth, fame & woteva u might b seekn 4 in life, hope in God, 4 ur redeemer liveth & will soon appear.So, DON'T TOUCH D DIAL OF UR FAITH IN GOD.
jackson abia On 23/04/2012 14:49:48
its nt d best,GOD first in all ur doing

Jackson iyke On 20/04/2012 13:47:40
Illuminati is nt a bad thing, is just like a body.a secret society body, everybody is in secret cut,richmen,president,bigmens in government re all secret cut members so y i no go join illuminati. If oppotunity is given i we b member one day,as an making my comment now i am a member of secret cut in my school. But hw 2 get 2 illuminati is a problem.
Anonymos On 19/04/2012 17:51:42
Be careful cause som1 may not read to the end to know if it is real or non.
Anonymos On 19/04/2012 17:51:33
Be careful cause som1 may not read to the end to know if it is real or non.
dj walter (nigeria +2348074453122 ) On 18/04/2012 23:58:11
god will punish all those that sit and create false news ,be warned of what you say or write, because it will later hunt you in future , entertainment brings happiness,stop criticizing anyone involve in entertainment, all those that belong to the illuminati cult, leave the judgement for god to handle , one love to all my fans around the world thanks.
ibraheemismaeel On 17/04/2012 15:04:40
i want to sale my soul but i don't know how to sale it please i'm waiting for reply thants
ibraheemismaeel On 17/04/2012 15:04:38
i want to sale my soul but i don't know how to sale it please i'm waiting for reply thants
joo baba On 15/04/2012 04:38:51
fork u illuminanti
fabolous On 13/04/2012 16:39:48
i want to join follow me on twitter fabolous hood niga
david On 13/04/2012 07:24:24
i sincerly want to join the illuminati i'm a nigeria email me at davidswizz@gmail.com
John On 12/04/2012 16:38:32
Gods time is the best.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:26
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:26
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:22
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:20
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:19
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:18
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
SAMUEL On 03/04/2012 21:02:18
I WANT TO JOIN THE ILLUMINATI SO THAT I CAN MAKE MONEY PLEASE IF YOU ARE A MEMBER CALL, 08108900076.OR MY EMAIL SAMUELTYOKOSU@YAOO.COM THANKS U.
MIMI On 30/03/2012 21:46:32
we should remember in all we do in life, withhout the support of the MOST HIGH GOD,we cant do anything by ourselves, this wealth belong to GOD, satan ve nothing to offer except to inflict pain,to steal and to destroy.
J H M On 07/03/2012 22:14:06
just by everyone comments including this one all these rappers are getting more famous so just try to ignore this stupid BS unless a actual member which i highly doubt comes up to you to recruit you

philip success otache On 07/03/2012 15:47:48
oh lord have mercy on your children. 4 what shal it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul. The illuminati as often cal whose business is to exchange money 4 soul are agent of d darknes beware children of God so that you fal nt in to temptation. 4 the kingdom of God is at hand.
peboy On 29/02/2012 09:01:27
this is all nonsense! nobody can ever take anyone's soul,its God's breath and only God can draw back his breath from you,these people are only imitating the devil,by destructing your focus,so you astray, because thats the only way to sin, it is when YOU decide to move away from God, God will never abandon you,He loves all of us including this illuminatti.
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