Witches found occupying Aso Rock

Abuja - Witches, wizards, demons, and other nefarious spirits have been discovered illegally occupying Aso Rock.

This frightening revelation came to light when spiritualists were summoned to the presidential complex to pray for the first family to protect them against the abuses, insults, and curses made by members the Occupy Nigeria movement.

While going through the customary routine of binding evil spirits, some of the pastors in attendance reported being slapped by unseen hands.

This development led to a majority of the hired prayer-warriors abandoning their mission and even forgetting to collect the $50,000 transport fee per head promised to them to cover their travel expenses to the Rock.

A few hardy prophets however stayed behind, sprinkling holy water and challenging the demons to reveal themselves. They did.

Upon materialization of the spirits, all remaining men of God took to their heels leaving a certain Prophet TB Joshua who did not seem moved by the scary apparitions.

He charged them to tell him who they were and what their mission was at the rock and the spirits promptly responded.

In unison and speaking with one voice, they told the powerful man of God that they had taken up residence in Aso Rock since the times of Babangida and that no amount of prayer could dislodge them.

The pastor rebuked them, bound them, and cast them into Holy Ghost fire, but at the end of the day he decided to advice the first family on other extra rituals to be performed to remove the spirits.

It was at this point that he found the first lady fervently praying in what could only be described as a mixture of English and tongues, and the President out cold under his cabinet table where had been hiding.

It is not known whether the evil spirits were successfully exorcised but what is now clear is that they, the evil spirits in Aso Rock, have been responsible for turning our leaders mad once they, the leaders, enter the Rock.

- Jowo Mabinu