Aunty Ngozi solves your problems

My Name is Ngozi, and my job is to reply to your agony letters. You have to be really crazy to take my advice, but hey, who am I to judge?
If you want my help, send me an email today:, but first make sure you understand what I'm about.
I hope you enjoy my column. Have a lovely day.
Love always,
Aunty Ngozi

I haven't been in a relationship in four years

Dear Ngozi,

I'm lying in bed feeling extremely lonely. I haven't been in a relationship in four years. Love seems to evade me. It's either the wrong guy comes along or it's d genotype issue. So I thought, why not write Ngozi? Maybe someone can get a laugh out of my predicament. So here we are. 



My reply

Dear Lonely,

Genotype ke? Why is that a problem? Are you a vampire? Do you drink blood? Me I can’t help you with that one o, but when it comes to love I’m an expert.

Four years is a long time to be single. What is wrong with you? Chronic wowo? Old age? Over ambition? (I.e.: You want a man that your personality, status, physical characteristics etc do not qualify for), or is it spiritual?

Anytime a lady tells me she can’t find love, my first thought is always ‘Why are you looking for love?’

I mean, there are so many other more important things a girl should be looking for in a partner, most of them easier to find than that elusive thing they call love, so why are you using up your energy and wasting your time searching for love?

I suggest that if you are not suffering from any disqualifying conditions (refer to the list provided in the second paragraph above), then you should stop looking for love and start looking for a man who owns his own petrol station, or a young single pastor who just started his own church, or a man who is amazing in bed.

Don’t fall your hand, sister. Forget love and search for comfort or satisfaction or both. Note: you do not need to find both in the same man. Nothing limits you to one.

Good luck with all that.

Aunty Ngozi


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