Dear Iliyasu,

Worse things have been known to happen. What if you had saved up to buy her jamb form, paid for preparation lessons, thrown her a matriculation party, bought her handouts and given her money to settle lecturers, only for one ye-ye president like that to come and change her school from UNILAG to MALU?

Imagine that? All that money wasted.

My advice: next time, avoid anything that would make you catch someone. If they say ‘don’t come and look for me today’, don’t go. If the say ‘he’s my uncle’, just accept it; don’t call ‘Uncle’ to find out how they are related. What you don’t know won’t hurt you, and more than that, it won’t make you loose your fiancé.

You might be tempted to take precautions against a cheating partner in the future, but ask yourself this question: have I also cheated on her? If you haven’t, there’s still time.

If however you are of the mind to use native assurance on her so that she and the person she’s doing it with will gum together like in that video that was doing the rounds recently, I’m sorry for you o. I’m no lawyer but I’m sure using juju on your partner is both illegal, sinful, immoral, sexist, and most importantly, it’s an indication that you lack self-confidence. What happened to trust?

See ehn, you have lost your fiancé for nothing. Who even told you they were having sex? Your eyes could have been deceiving you, you know? How are you sure they weren’t just pretending to have sex so that you would catch them and they would see how you would react so that they would know how much you trust them? Yes, it could have been that.

And besides, if indeed you caught them in the act, how sure are you that they were doing it of their own free will and not that someone (perhaps Satan himself) had winchied them and made them do it so that you would catch them and loose both your friend and your partner? Don’t let your enemies steal your joy o!

As per the pregnancy; if you like, tell her to go and remove it. Me, I won’t be there when you try to abort spirit-child pregnancy and the winch baby starts to appear to only you and chase you about in public. Go and watch Evil Baby Part 1,2,3 and 4, if you don’t believe me that it can happen.

I’m guessing you suspect the pregnancy belongs to your friend. Why? Your own sperm no dey work? Let her born first and then do DNA test naw. But again, be very careful. I don’t think a spirit-child would forgive a father who insisted on doing DNA test on it before accepting it. Just saying.

Lastly, they say only a mother truly knows the father of her child. Na lie. A mother sometimes only ‘chooses’ the father of her child. She has chosen you; why don’t you just be happy that she sees father material in you rather than writing to me to involve me in potential winch-baby palaver?

Pleazzzzzzzzze, don’t come and fall my hand today o. Thank you.

Aunty Ngozi