Aunty Ngozi solves your problems

My Name is Ngozi, and my job is to reply to your agony letters. You have to be really crazy to take my advice, but hey, who am I to judge?
If you want my help, send me an email today:
auntyngozi@wazobiareport.com, but first make sure you understand what I'm about.
I hope you enjoy my column. Have a lovely day.
Love always,
Aunty Ngozi

I have wet dreams about GEJ
 

Aunty Ngozi


Toady is our president’s birthday, and I must confess, I am having wet dreams about him. I really want to be his second wife, or his mistress, or even just his girlfriend. I think I will make a good junior first lady, not that I want to take over from our first lady, I just want to share her man with her, after all, he is my president too.


How can I make this dream of mine to come true? Please advice me before the day (the president birthday) is over.


Soft n plum –Abuja.


 


My reply

Dear Soft ‘n’Plum from Abuja,


Congratulations! Your letter has forced me out of retirement!


Babes! You get heart o! You want to be Jona’s junior first lady? When the first lady is currently ill? You actually have the guts to say this at this time? You want them to accuse you of being the winch doing our Dame? I swear, you brave pass me.


But as you have asked me to help you, I don’t have a choice, I shall help you.


You want to know how to seduce the president and become his mistress before the day is over? That one is easy. Find a way to get to Abuja (Oh! You are already there!). Blag your way into Aso rock. Convince whoever (SSS, Body guard, special assistant, assistant to special assistant) that can stand between you and an audience with the president, to let you see him. When you are alone with him, tell him you are pregnant for him and you are not getting rid of it. Trust me on this. I really can’t explain on here why it would work, but just trust me.


Now, it is possible that you fail in seeing the president. Not to worry, there is another strategy. Do you know any mega Church GO, or any spiritualist who has the president’s ears and who will happily tell the President that he has seen a vision of him winning 2015 election if he marries you?


Again, you might be a confirmed badt girl who doesn’t even go to church, talk less of knowing any big pastors open to fast business. Not to worry! There is one last option. Do you know how to get to Mountain of Fire Ministries?


Good luck with all that.


Aunty Ngozi

 




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