Dear Panic Stricken Wife,

Calm down.

It’s not yours. It belongs to a friend of yours who seized it from her daughter and gave it to you to keep while she decides whether or not to show it to her husband.

And, in your reply to him, you hope he hasn’t touched it with his bare hands because you don’t know what kind of infections the girl might have. That should sort him out.

Next time, here are a few suggestions on where to hide your sex-toys:

1      Shoe box. Preferably inside long boots in a shoebox under several other shoe boxes.

2      In the pocket of a coat in your wardrobe.

3      In the ceiling – if you have one of those with moveable square panels

4      Under the seat in your car – if you’re the only who drives your car. This has the added advantage of always being in reach even when you’re out.

5      In plain sight – My favourite. Why hide it in the first place? Just tell him you like them and he might surprise you by revealing his own stash.

Good luck.

Aunty Ngozi